Christmas Countdown Day 14
Peppermint was dragging. Joe resembled a haunted candy cane. Buttercup’s hair had drywall still in it. Mason had soot fingerprints from the pantry explosion even though he showered twice. They all agreed in unison: “Fine. We need a break.” But breaks hate them.
Santa issued the second mandatory rest order:
“All attempted heist participants must take a full day off.
NO EXCEPTIONS.
NO SCHEMES.
NO PLOT TWISTS.
—Santa (who is visibly aged)”
None of them fought it.
Peppermint was dragging. Joe resembled a haunted candy cane. Buttercup’s hair had drywall still in it. Mason had soot fingerprints from the pantry explosion even though he showered twice.
They all agreed in unison:
“Fine. We need a break.”
But breaks hate them.
STOP 1: The Massage Spa
The elves walk in looking like disaster survivors.
Immediately—
Mason trips over a potted poinsettia.
Joe apologizes to the poinsettia.
Buttercup pretends she doesn’t know them.
Inside the spa:
Peppermint’s Room
She lies down.
She breathes.
She relaxes.
Then—
her massage table malfunctions and folds like a taco shell.
Peppermint:
“HELP.
HELP.
I AM A CRUNCHWRAP.”
Spa attendant:
“This literally never happens.”
Peppermint:
“IT ALWAYS DOES.”
Joe’s Room
Joe overthinks every instruction:
“Is my face too heavy in the cradle?”
“Should I breathe fast or slow?”
“Do I tip before or after my spine cracks?”
Masseuse:
“Sir… you don’t need to narrate your anxiety.”
Joe:
“I’m sorry.”
Masseuse:
“That too.”
Buttercup’s Room
Buttercup tries hot stones.
Buttercup: “Ooh, this one’s warm—”
It slips. Hits her foot. She howls.
The spa attendants rush in.
She claims she’s “fine.”
She is absolutely not fine.
Mason’s Room
He is politely asked to leave within 5 minutes.
Reason?
He brought:
A fidget spinner
A tiny bag of gumdrops
A mechanical part he was “fixing”
A glitter pen
Anxiety
Too much energy
Spa attendant:
“We can’t… we can’t massage this.”
Mason:
“I understand.”
He absolutely does not.
STOP 2: The Hot Chocolate Café
Peppermint is READY for comfort cocoa.
She orders the most festive, sparkly, whipped-cream mountain drink on the menu.
As she brings the mug to her lips…
the table leg snaps.
Her cocoa slides off in slow motion…
…and SPLATTERS UPWARD like a hot chocolate geyser.
Buttercup gets whipped cream in her eyelashes. Joe dabs her eyes with napkins. Mason licks the table.
Peppermint looks at the sky like she’s questioning her entire existence.
Peppermint:
“Okay. Okay. This is fine. Tomorrow we’re back at it.”
Buttercup:
“You’re not fine.”
STOP 3: The Arts & Crafts Studio
Where peace goes to die.
Buttercup insists they “create something to calm the soul.”
Immediate Problems:
Mason finds the glitter glue aisle
Peppermint drops a jar of buttons that scatter like landmines
Joe tries crocheting and tangles himself like a trapped ferret
Buttercup’s pottery bowl explodes in the kiln because she added “just a little cinnamon scent oil”
Peppermint knocks over a paint water cup
Mason knocks over SIX paint cups
Someone’s craft table collapses
A paintbrush gets stuck in Joe’s hair
A glue gun gets stuck to Mason’s sleeve
Craft Instructor:
“PLEASE LEAVE.
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTMAS, LEAVE.”
End of Day 14
The four collapse on their couch at home.
Peppermint:
“That was restful… right?”
Joe:
“No.”
Buttercup:
“I think crafts hate us.”
Mason:
“I had fun.”
All three:
“OF COURSE YOU DID.”
Peppermint sighs dreamily:
“Tomorrow… we’re back in action.”
