Christmas Countdown Day 16
They bundled up in scarves, coats, mittens, and one suspiciously crunchy hat Mason crafted from candy wrappers. They trekked through the snow to position themselves behind a drift with a perfect view of the Christmas Kitchen door. Peppermint whispered, “This is it. Today we use patience.”
“The Snowbank Stakeout Fiasco”
(…where patience dies, frostbite happens, and Bob loses the last five molecules of sanity he had left)
The Chaos Four gathered in the living room looking like a group discount on malpractice lawsuits.
Peppermint’s back cracked every time she sat down.
Buttercup limped dramatically.
Mason’s hair was now permanently crunchy from glue.
Joe whispered “I need a new friend group” the entire morning.
Peppermint groaned,
“Okay. No machines. No tunnels. No belts. Nothing that moves.”
Joe perked up. “YES. Something safe.”
Buttercup nodded. “Something subtle.”
Mason raised his hand.
Everyone yelled, “NO.”
Peppermint slammed her palm on the table.
“We stake out the kitchen.
Wait for Bob to take a break.
Then slip inside.”
Joe blinked. “You mean… just sit? Quietly?”
Peppermint: “Yes.”
Mason: “Boring.”
Buttercup: “Honestly we need a boring day.”
It was decided.
THE PLAN: Sit In a Snowbank Like Idiots
They bundled up in scarves, coats, mittens, and one suspiciously crunchy hat Mason crafted from candy wrappers.
They trekked through the snow to position themselves behind a drift with a perfect view of the Christmas Kitchen door.
Peppermint whispered,
“This is it. Today we use patience.”
Buttercup nodded.
Joe exhaled in relief.
Mason immediately began digging a tunnel to “stay warm.”
Peppermint hissed,
“MASON STOP MAKING TUNNELS.”
THE STAKEOUT BEGINS
Five minutes in—
Peppermint: “I can’t feel my toes.”
Buttercup: “I can’t feel my face.”
Joe: “I can’t feel my will to live.”
Mason: “LOOK! I MADE A SNOW CHAIR!”
They shushed him.
Thirty minutes in—
The snowmen patrolling outside got suspicious.
Snowman #1 whispered loudly,
“HEY. ARE THOSE FOUR LUMPS BREATHING?”
Snowman #2 leaned closer.
“YEAH, THAT ONE BLINKED.”
Snowman #3: “COMMENCE SNOWBALL PROTOCOL.
THE SNOWBALL AMBUSH
The snowmen launched a coordinated barrage of snowballs directly into the drift.
Peppermint popped up gasping,
“They found us!”
Joe crawled for cover.
Buttercup dramatically rolled into another snowbank.
Mason stood up and declared,
“I CLAIM DIPLOMA—”
A snowball hit him in the mouth.
Snowman #1 yelled,
“TRESPASSERS! TRESPASSERS!”
Snowman #2: “GET THE FLUFFY WEAPONS!”
Suddenly snowballs were coming from everywhere.
Peppermint shrieked,
“RETREAT!”
They fled like disoriented penguins.
ENTER BOB & THE BABY-CARRIER HAM
Bob emerged from the kitchen wearing his baby carrier again…
but this time?
Two hams.
Twins.
He stopped dead at the sight of:
Sprinting elves
Yelling snowmen
A snowbank on fire (Mason did that somehow)
Joe face-planting into a drift
Peppermint limping dramatically
Buttercup yelling “SAVE YOURSELVES!”
Mason attempting parkour for no reason
Bob inhaled.
Bob exhaled.
Bob rubbed his temples.
Then he shouted:
“IT’S. A. SNOWBANK.
HOW DID YOU TURN A SNOWBANK.
INTO A SECURITY INCIDENT?!”
Peppermint tried,
“We were… being patient?”
Bob pointed at them with a shaking ham.
“GO HOME.
GO HOME BEFORE I PUT ALL OF YOU IN TIMEOUT.”
They ran. Again.
❌ Attempt #10: FAILED
Cause of failure:
snowmen with excellent aim
Injuries sustained:
Mason’s pride
Joe’s sanity
Peppermint’s hip
Buttercup’s general existence
Morale:
Low but still delusional.
Peppermint:
“Tomorrow is the day.”
It isn’t.
